Sacrament of Matrimony
Tobit 8.4-8; Hebrews 13.1-6; Matthew 22.35-40
Fr. Philip N. Powell, OP
Church of the Incarnation, University of Dallas
If marriage is about love then we have from Hebrews a sampling of what marriage means for Christians. Love is mutual, hospitable, empathetic, honorable, pure, contenting, a promise of care, and a cure for fear. And so is marriage. If marriage is not about love then it must be about selfishness, inhospitality, callousness, dishonor, impurity, agitation, a promise broken, and an infection of anxiety. Marriage without love is no sacrament at all but vain gesture and puffed up words, an agreement merely to tolerate someone else in your life. Much like a disagreeable rental contract or a necessary but mostly annoying roommate. Christian marriage is always about love. It must be. Because being a Christian is all about love.
To say that being a Christian is all about love is not to say that being a Christian is all about being mushy, weak-kneed, starry-eyed, and panting. Love is not just about passion; it is primarily about the Good; that is, love is essentially Who God Is for us so that we might come to Him and be with Him forever. Created to be completed in love, we seek out and sometimes find a love here and now that though no match for divine love nonetheless works to make that Love feel possible, works to make the Love we were created to be more probable.
In his first encyclical, Deus caritas est, Pope Benedict XVI writes about the various meanings of the word “love.” He points out the word’s patriotic, familial, romantic, and neighborly meanings. He concludes, however, “Amid this multiplicity of meanings […] one in particular stands out: love between man and woman, where body and soul are inseparably joined and human beings glimpse an apparently irresistible promise of happiness”(n. 2b). Marriage, then, is the Christian sacrament of God’s revelation of Himself to us through the committed love of a man and woman and they become together a living witness to the promises of grace given to us at baptism.
Christian marriage cannot be about passion alone or convenience or desperation; it must be sacramental, that is, revealing of God’s presence and His work in the world. Inasmuch as an ordained priest should be a living sign to the world of Christ the Head of the Body, so the married couple ought to be a living sign of the Father’s love for His bride, the Church. God does not love as we do; God is love. Love is Who He is to us and for us.
We use the word “agape” to describe Christian love. Benedict writes in DCE, “…this word expresses the experience of a love which involves a real discovery of the other, moving beyond the selfish character […] Love now becomes concern and care for the other. No longer is it self-seeking, a sinking in the intoxication of happiness; instead [agape] seeks the good of the beloved: it becomes renunciation and it is ready, and even willing, for sacrifice”(n. 6). What Christian marriage will thrive unless the man and the woman find the courage of renunciation and the will to sacrifice, that is, the motivation to sanctify their lives together by setting aside selfishness—petty wants, superficial hurts, suspicions of neglect.
Jesus says, “You shall love the Lord [and] you shall love your neighbor as yourself.” And he says that you shall do so “with all your heart, all your soul, and with all your mind.” This is not only a description of the Messianic fulfillment of the Mosaic Law, it is a command. You shall. Not “think about it” or “you’d be better off if you did” or “you could if you wanted to” but “you shall.” And not only “you shall” but “you shall” with every muscle, bone, and inch of flesh; with every thought, word, memory, and deed. You shall love! First God and then neighbor as self.
This is a command rather than a suggestion b/c we are weak, unfocused, fallen, and vain. Not constitutionally, mind you; but willfully…willfully weak, unfocused, and vain. And Jesus knows this. Thus the command to love. Our love for one another is too important to our holiness to be left to chance and will. Of course, we can refuse and spend eternity without Love, without God. But, knowing our inclination to habit, Jesus orders us to love and hopes the habit of loving sticks. And it does, it does often enough and powerfully enough that we see in the world bright examples of charity and mercy, living examples of mighty generosity and graced service. Christian marriage should lead us in love!
To family and friends: a warning—your participation here today requires you to not only follow the excellent example of love given to us by Larry and Christie, but it also requires you to reflect back to them the love that they shine out. In other words, you all must be ready to celebrate with them and mourn with them and support them when necessary—in the smooth times and the rough. And be ready to show them day-to-day what their ministry of marriage means to you; what their witness to God’s love for His Bride, the Church, means for us all. It is not enough to dress up, show up, stand up, sit down, and eat the buffet! There’s the “amen” here and the “amen” means “Yes, it is” and “Yes, I do.” Say “amen” with conviction and promise. B/c that is how God hears it.
Larry and Christie, Tobit and Sara prayed to the Lord on their wedding night for mercy and deliverance. They blessed the Lord and praised His name. They recounted their creation as man and woman and the need each has for the other in order to be complete. They are married for a noble purpose and ask to live together to “a happy old age.” With all that in mind, allow me to exhort you: make your love mutual—giving and returning in kind; be hospitable to one another—generous and affectionate; show empathy for each other and for others—b/c you are one body; honor each other—be faithful in thought, word, deed; let nothing and no one enslave your love—not money, not career, not things, not ideas; be ready to say without shame or hesitation: “I will never forsake you or abandon you;” and live together in holiness w/o fear, w/o rancor, w/o pining for options, w/o glancing over the fence. And love as Christ loves us.
With the Lord as our helper we have nothing to fear!
Tobit 8.4-8; Hebrews 13.1-6; Matthew 22.35-40
Fr. Philip N. Powell, OP
Church of the Incarnation, University of Dallas
If marriage is about love then we have from Hebrews a sampling of what marriage means for Christians. Love is mutual, hospitable, empathetic, honorable, pure, contenting, a promise of care, and a cure for fear. And so is marriage. If marriage is not about love then it must be about selfishness, inhospitality, callousness, dishonor, impurity, agitation, a promise broken, and an infection of anxiety. Marriage without love is no sacrament at all but vain gesture and puffed up words, an agreement merely to tolerate someone else in your life. Much like a disagreeable rental contract or a necessary but mostly annoying roommate. Christian marriage is always about love. It must be. Because being a Christian is all about love.
To say that being a Christian is all about love is not to say that being a Christian is all about being mushy, weak-kneed, starry-eyed, and panting. Love is not just about passion; it is primarily about the Good; that is, love is essentially Who God Is for us so that we might come to Him and be with Him forever. Created to be completed in love, we seek out and sometimes find a love here and now that though no match for divine love nonetheless works to make that Love feel possible, works to make the Love we were created to be more probable.
In his first encyclical, Deus caritas est, Pope Benedict XVI writes about the various meanings of the word “love.” He points out the word’s patriotic, familial, romantic, and neighborly meanings. He concludes, however, “Amid this multiplicity of meanings […] one in particular stands out: love between man and woman, where body and soul are inseparably joined and human beings glimpse an apparently irresistible promise of happiness”(n. 2b). Marriage, then, is the Christian sacrament of God’s revelation of Himself to us through the committed love of a man and woman and they become together a living witness to the promises of grace given to us at baptism.
Christian marriage cannot be about passion alone or convenience or desperation; it must be sacramental, that is, revealing of God’s presence and His work in the world. Inasmuch as an ordained priest should be a living sign to the world of Christ the Head of the Body, so the married couple ought to be a living sign of the Father’s love for His bride, the Church. God does not love as we do; God is love. Love is Who He is to us and for us.
We use the word “agape” to describe Christian love. Benedict writes in DCE, “…this word expresses the experience of a love which involves a real discovery of the other, moving beyond the selfish character […] Love now becomes concern and care for the other. No longer is it self-seeking, a sinking in the intoxication of happiness; instead [agape] seeks the good of the beloved: it becomes renunciation and it is ready, and even willing, for sacrifice”(n. 6). What Christian marriage will thrive unless the man and the woman find the courage of renunciation and the will to sacrifice, that is, the motivation to sanctify their lives together by setting aside selfishness—petty wants, superficial hurts, suspicions of neglect.
Jesus says, “You shall love the Lord [and] you shall love your neighbor as yourself.” And he says that you shall do so “with all your heart, all your soul, and with all your mind.” This is not only a description of the Messianic fulfillment of the Mosaic Law, it is a command. You shall. Not “think about it” or “you’d be better off if you did” or “you could if you wanted to” but “you shall.” And not only “you shall” but “you shall” with every muscle, bone, and inch of flesh; with every thought, word, memory, and deed. You shall love! First God and then neighbor as self.
This is a command rather than a suggestion b/c we are weak, unfocused, fallen, and vain. Not constitutionally, mind you; but willfully…willfully weak, unfocused, and vain. And Jesus knows this. Thus the command to love. Our love for one another is too important to our holiness to be left to chance and will. Of course, we can refuse and spend eternity without Love, without God. But, knowing our inclination to habit, Jesus orders us to love and hopes the habit of loving sticks. And it does, it does often enough and powerfully enough that we see in the world bright examples of charity and mercy, living examples of mighty generosity and graced service. Christian marriage should lead us in love!
To family and friends: a warning—your participation here today requires you to not only follow the excellent example of love given to us by Larry and Christie, but it also requires you to reflect back to them the love that they shine out. In other words, you all must be ready to celebrate with them and mourn with them and support them when necessary—in the smooth times and the rough. And be ready to show them day-to-day what their ministry of marriage means to you; what their witness to God’s love for His Bride, the Church, means for us all. It is not enough to dress up, show up, stand up, sit down, and eat the buffet! There’s the “amen” here and the “amen” means “Yes, it is” and “Yes, I do.” Say “amen” with conviction and promise. B/c that is how God hears it.
Larry and Christie, Tobit and Sara prayed to the Lord on their wedding night for mercy and deliverance. They blessed the Lord and praised His name. They recounted their creation as man and woman and the need each has for the other in order to be complete. They are married for a noble purpose and ask to live together to “a happy old age.” With all that in mind, allow me to exhort you: make your love mutual—giving and returning in kind; be hospitable to one another—generous and affectionate; show empathy for each other and for others—b/c you are one body; honor each other—be faithful in thought, word, deed; let nothing and no one enslave your love—not money, not career, not things, not ideas; be ready to say without shame or hesitation: “I will never forsake you or abandon you;” and live together in holiness w/o fear, w/o rancor, w/o pining for options, w/o glancing over the fence. And love as Christ loves us.
With the Lord as our helper we have nothing to fear!
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